:: Friday, December 17, 2004 ::

mood: could hardly be better ;) music: Spriggan OST - Jing Ling currently: nya~ing

After quite some time... a couple of month to be specific - which were filled with stupid incidents and even more stupid people saying even _more_ stupid things and me being totally stressed out - I am no finally back to my old self... if anyone of you (whoever reads this) still knows what my "nomal self" used to be.

Of course I'm always a bit broody... but the emphazis is on BIT here ^^;; but I actually am not JUST like that.

Yesterday I was talking to a friend on the phone and she almost doubled over from laughing, somehow getting out an "I'm almost crying cause I have to laugh so hard".
That reminded me... that's what I am like actually XD

strange that you need the people around you to remind you of yourself. But I'm glad about it, because I like myself much better this way.

True, it took me quite some time to get back where I used to be and am now, but I'm glad I made it. I don't remember when I felt as good as now the last time.

And I want to thank everyone who did not give up patience with me =_=
Especially sley, Makiko, Nazu, Akagi and Mu-chan, who are (partly) the oney who had to suffer most, and also those who helped me a lot. *hugs* Hab euch lieb! :3
(sounds stupid in english, so :P )


:: Derek 12/17/2004 01:50:59 PM [+] ::

You are 73% Cancer

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

Honestly... that does not really surprise me. I know I am probably even more cancer than just 75%. It varys from mood to mood ^^;

:: Derek 12/1/2004 09:55:49 PM [+] ::

mood: >.< music: Detective Conan - Mysterious Eyes (german) currently: damn math

Oh well... new layout. I thought it was about time. I didn't like the colorful and bright one that much anymore and wanted something more dark. Like "back to the roots".
It's something I realized some days ago: when I feel good I don't like bright things. This phase I had with the pink and white and overall bright and nice colors was just a way of expressing that I haven't been well.

I'm fine now though (if you ignore the stress from school that'll make me go crazy any minute now >.< ) and even though this might sound weird, but it was an argument with a friend of mine that caused me to feel better.
Normally I feel bad if something like this happens. But this argument was like a hit over the head.

I'm not glad that it happened, but I am glad that it made me feel better, like a chain was loosened from my feet.

So... I hope I won't be such a burdon for my friends like I have been in the last weeks anymore. I must have been a pain in the ass really... and I'm sorry. =_=

:: Derek 11/14/2004 10:06:13 PM [+] ::

Which poem are you? And Death Shall Have No Dominion by Dylan Thomas Man, you're dramatic and overwrought. Nothing is ever simple to you. You like to brood. You're probably one of those goths.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

I swear to the grave of my stuffed animals that I did NOT choose the answers with the gothic or dark streaks. ^^; And still... nobody can escape Dr. Freud.


:: Derek 11/11/2004 05:47:39 PM [+] ::

:: Derek 10/11/2004 09:07:44 PM [+] ::

Your Penis Name is: Anaconda

Get your own Penis Name

XXD!! *ROFL*

That's what I got when I typed in Derek's full name (Derek McPhaison) and the worst part of it is... I really credit him with that. XD

:: Derek 9/26/2004 10:34:52 PM [+] ::

just because this is so perfectly true XD



and yes, I'm still alive.

:: Derek 9/24/2004 08:14:25 PM [+] ::

mood: content music: none currently: not so overwhelmed with everything anymore

Yeah, radioactive is one good word to describe how I was over the last couple of weeks. Damn close to exploding would be another adequate way to put it. At the brink of a nervous break-down (more than once) would bring it straigh to the point.

I was stressed out of my mind, with that damn dog barking all day long in a manner that makes you go crazy, because you can concentrate on nothing anymore and it really stresses your patience until it snaps. You're just tempted to rip your hair out.
Then there's my father doing unreasonable things and behaving like they're the most normal things in the world. I was very close to choking him. More than once as well.

I kinda stressed myself as well with the deadline I put up for my calendar and with getting the people together to draw the pics. It wasn't an easy task, but it's done and I am more relaxed now, though I still didn't manage to write anything.

I went over to Berlin two weeks ago to visit Makiko, Lay and the others (quite a bunch XD) - mostly Seigaku members *g* (Maybe I can find myself a Momo around here. Would be helpful ;) in more than one way XD). It was the best thing I could do. Simply slacking off, and not thinking about this mental institution that's supposed to be my home -_- It really feels like that from time to time.
I could actually relax so much, that I was able to continue part four of the Game, and write another Interlude.

I was completely broke though, but who cares? It was well worth it, and I'd do it again any time. ^-^

So now... That's about it. School starts again on September 13th and I hope I am able to catch up. That's another thing I'm worried about right now. If I will be able to get back into the stuff I learned more than two years ago. But I think I'll manage if I just work hard enough. I'm not stupid, after all. >.< ! Fighto! Seigaku!

... woops... wrong line... ^^;

:: Derek 9/3/2004 11:27:47 AM [+] ::